Later, he woke up and remembered almost nothing, but when he espied a moose, he remembered, and invented profanity ("Oh, sh*t.").

He thought long and hard about the moose. Should he just get rid of the moose, as he did with some of his other mistakes, such as the dodo?

Or should he let it go, as he had with the duck-billed platypus (which had come into existence soon after his invention of the Kalua Sombrero).

He went back and forth on the matter, and the moose population went back and forth with him, but he finally invented Everclear.

And it was decided: F*ck it. The moose shall live on. Let's invent terrorism!

Except for the terrorism part, this was a great decision, for the moose is a wonderful beast.

The moose is huge and awkward and thus entertaining to look at, since we don't get to see a lot of huge and ungainly animals close up. The moose is also easy to view, since it comes right down to the streets, and has no fear of man.

Personally, I never get tired of looking at them close up, although it's kind of hard to say why. Maybe it's because there is some excitement in seeing how close you can get to the huge creatures without getting run over. Maybe it's because they have these really expressive yet profoundly stupid faces that lend themselves to photography. Maybe it's because they are quite unpredictable, like the time a huge bull moose sat down right in the middle of the Bemis Road and absolutely refused to move, and we all had to turn around and go home after a while. Maybe it's because of the cows and calves, who behave exactly like human mothers and children, only it gets really exciting if you get in between a cow and its calf. I don't really know. I just can't get enough of moose.

Therefore, we go moosing quite regularly. Of course, to really enjoy moosing, you have to be someplace where there are moose. Around here (Rangeley, ME) you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a moose, although I neither recommend that you swing a dead cat nor that you get close enough to a moose to hit it with a swung dead cat. But you get the idea.

For the hell of it, here are some moose facts.

• Moose typically live 8 to 12 years in the wild, but may live to be up to 25 years old.

• Moose weigh up to 1500 pounds. Males typically weigh about 1200 pounds, and females typically weigh about 900 pounds. Newborns weigh about 30 pounds, but grow quickly and generally reach 300 or 400 pounds by their first winter.

• Moose are about 6 to 7 feet tall at the shoulders.

• Moose meat tastes AWFUL. I tried it twice. It's just horrible.

• Moose can run up to 35 MPH.

• Moose swim really well. Better than you.

WARNING: moose are dangerous. Don't go up and try to pet them. They might get miffed and ram you. Although the rest of us would just laugh and laugh, you'd be dead.

However, moosing is really quite safe, especially if you stay in the car and from refrain using it to ram into moose. So I highly recommend moosing as a family activity.

How to Moose: General Guidelines

In warm weather, look for moose by ponds, lakes, bogs, and roadside drainage ditches. They like to suck muck. Really.

In cold weather, look for moose at the edges of clear-cut areas and forest regeneration areas. They eat twigs.

Generally, you're most likely to see moose on the roadside from late April through September.

How to Moose: Seasonal Guidelines

Winter (Dec–Mar):	Moose are around, but not as easy to spot as during warm weather. They mainly eat twigs in the winter, and so will not be found right on the side of the road as they are during the warm weather. Look for moose at the edges of clear-cut areas and forest regeneration areas.
April:	If the snow is still deep, you may see no moose at all. Once the snow melt is in high gear, they make their spring appearance, allegedly driven out of the woods by black flies, and they can be found all over the place, particularly in marshy and mushy areas.
May and June:	The moose have come down from the hills and are all over the place. Car/moose collisions peak in these months. This time of year is peak moosing season, but go slowly – not over 45 – in the evening. New moose are born in late May and early June. Cows generally mate every other year, because they keep the calves with them until the calf reaches its second spring. Cows drive off their calves before they give birth to a new calf. This period is also when moose molt, shedding their winter coats. They look like hell during the molt.
July:	Good moosing continues, but begins to thin out in late July as the moose return to the woods.
August:	Mediocre moosing. They tend to hang out in the woods.
September:	In early September, they tend to return to their early summer feeding spots. You may get in some good moosing.
Mid-September through mid-October:	Moose are in the rut. The males' antlers are reaching maximum size. You may see many females and calves during the rut, because the females are waiting around at the feeding sites, and the calves follow. The bulls, meanwhile, are bashing about in the woods, looking to mate with anything that looks remotely like a cow. Birth occurs 240 days (8 months) after conception. During this period, Maine has a limited one-week moose hunting season (the week varies according to the wildlife district). Once the hunting season occurs, the moose tend to take to the woods.
October and November:	What with the hunting season and onset of winter, the moose move into the woods. Thereafter, see "Winter".

NOTE: The information on moosing was gleaned from the book Maine Moose Watcher's Guide by Bill Silliker, Jr., from several articles in Downeast magazine that have appeared over the years, from the State of Maine web site, and from our experience. The moose facts were plucked from numerous web sites and my own vast storehouse of useless knowledge.